Itachi and Kisame Were Doing WHAT?
by Kandakicksass
Summary: Sasuke asks an important question and Naruto is under the impression a visual will be the best explanation. SasuNaru, KisaIta...


**So, upon reading **_**The Talk **_**by TenshiXXX, I laughed, then decided that Sasuke would probably do the asking another way. **

**Meaning asking Naruto. :XD Rated M, but no sex. Sort of. The pairing list is as follows: KisamexItachi and SasukexNaruto. I usually detest KisaIta, but unfortunately, I'm now somewhat hooked no thanks to TenshiXXX. –makesaface- Yeah well, what can you do? This is a CRACK FIC. Probably not very long. Very amusing, however. Promises!**

There was not much that Sasuke was nervous about in his young life. As an eight year old, he was more stupidly courageous than shy and he wasn't easily embarrassed. But the topic in question had Sasuke fidgeting on Naruto's bed in fit of anxiety because not only did he not know the meaning of the word he wanted to know, he had a sneaking suspicion that his annoying and decidedly _stupid _friend did… and that his question was probably an embarrassing one.

Naruto bound into the room, hyperactive as per usual, his hair everywhere. Sasuke's delicate mouth twisted into a grimace as he launched himself at the bed, landing in a rather ungainly mass on the unmade mattress. Sasuke toyed with the sheets under him, straightening them a bit. Naruto's room in general was made up of mounds of toys and homework and Sasuke's small effort at tidying it up went unnoticed. Well, now Sasuke knew where all the blonde's work went since he knew it didn't get turned in. He was tempted to gather it up and hand it all in himself, if it weren't for the fact that some of it was from years ago and he didn't know what was what.

"So, what's up?" Naruto asked, picking himself up into a sitting position. "You said you wanted to talk about something?"

"Naruto," he said, shifting. "There's something I want to know, but I don't want to ask my parents. I figured you might know. But this…" He frowned. "This is kind of awkward."

"Why are you talking so weird? You sound like Itachi!"

Sasuke made another face, affronted. He didn't model himself after his older brother. He looked down at his messily painted toenails and rethought that. Maybe he did.

"What's sex?" he demanded, insulted with Naruto's rather honest comment.

Naruto blinked at him for a minute before his expression relaxed into a mischievous smile. Sasuke blinked at him and had to resist the urge to groan. He knew that this was where the embarrassing came in.

"Now, Sasuke, my friend," he purred, slinging an arm around Sasuke's neck and sliding down to sit next to him on the edge of the bed. "That's a very good question and I learned the answer to it myself a little while ago."

"Well, what_ is _the answer?" he asked dryly. "I asked because I actually wanted to know what it was."

"Maybe it'll be easier for you to just see it. I don't really get it myself," he chirped brightly and Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"You know what, I think I'll ask my dad after all," he said, standing, and Naruto whined, pulling on his arm.

"Just try my explanation," he pleaded and Sasuke rolled his eyes again, running a hand through his hair.

"Fine," he agreed reluctantly, knowing that whatever he was about to see would likely scar him. He was a very intelligent boy and had good instincts, after all.

But Sasuke regretted his submission almost instantly as Naruto grabbed his wrist in one rough, tanned hand and jerked his arm almost out of its socket to get the Uchiha on his feet. He pulled it even further to get him out the door. Sasuke reluctantly moved his feet and followed Naruto, who picked up the pace as soon as Sasuke gave in, tugging him onto the street, and down it, toward the Uchiha estate.

"Where are we going?" Sasuke asked, struggling to keep up. Naruto was running at full force and Sasuke almost resented his energy. Sasuke was actually rather lazy when he wasn't at school, and it only got worse on the weekends. He didn't want to run! He didn't have a choice, though, and was panting by the time the blonde finally released his bruised wrist, stopping outside Sasuke's own house.

"What are we doing here?" he asked, confused. The only people home were Itachi and his large, rather profane friend Kisame. Was Naruto planning on asking them for help?

Sasuke blushed at the thought of his stoic older brother having to explain it to him. He'd gathered, from conversations at school (and Naruto's self-explanatory grin earlier), that sex was a somewhat uncomfortable topic. Hyuuga Neji had come to school just the day before still blushing from his uncle's explanation of whatever it was.

But Naruto made a gesture for him to be quiet—one he needed to learn to obey himself—and entered the house, sliding the front door shut as softly as he could and tiptoed up the stairs. Sasuke followed, naturally silent in his ascent, his eyebrows pulling together in mystification. What was Naruto doing?

Then Naruto pulled to a stop outside Itachi's room and put his ear to the door, then nodded and gestured for Sasuke to follow as he opened the door a crack, just enough for the two to see through.

Sasuke blinked at what he saw, bewildered. What on earth were Itachi and Kisame _doing_? Itachi had his legs on either side of his large friend, his wrists above his head in Kisame's grasp. From where Sasuke was sitting—kneeling—it looked like Itachi's face was red, which was absurd as Itachi didn't blush.

It also appeared that neither of the two were wearing nothing, which was also odd. Were they wresting naked? Sasuke was well and truly astounded.

"Ooh," Itachi moaned and Sasuke blinked. Naruto, beneath him, was sniggering away. "Oh, Kisame, _harder_!" _What_?

Kisame's hips snapped forward and Itachi screamed softly. "Oh, Kisame, right there—again, please!" His voice was breathless and Sasuke—completely oblivious to what they were doing—instinctively felt intrusive.

Sasuke retreated, grabbing Naruto's arm and dragging him backwards into the bathroom. He didn't close the door, in fear that they would be heard, but glared at Naruto wildly, scooting as far away from the door as he could.

"What was _that_?" he hissed. Naruto smirked.

"That was sex," he replied, jerking his head in the direction of Itachi's bedroom. "I know, right? I accidentally walked in on Kisame and Itachi before and I asked my mom about it later. She said I'm not aloud to walk into Itachi's room without knocking first anymore." He just laughed to himself and Sasuke blanched.

"What were they doing?" he asked incredulously. Naruto sighed.

"Okay, so you know this?" He pulled his jeans down a bit to reveal his private area. Sasuke's face flamed and he nodded. He shifted, starting to feel uncomfortable. "Well, I asked Kiba and he said it's called a cock."

"According to our health teacher, it's called a penis," Sasuke corrected stiffly, unsure of what his friend was getting at. Naruto raised his eyebrow.

"Sasuke, I'm not talking scientifically. Like, you know—what does Neji call it—street talk. Lingo. Cock, penis, whatever. Same thing. Anyway, usually guys do it with girls—and what they have is called a pussy."

"According to Kiba," Sasuke added wryly, crossing his arms skeptically. Naruto rolled his bright blue eyes and nodded.

"But guys and guys can do it, too, and that's what Kisame and Itachi are doing. Men have a hole, too, and what Kisame is doing is putting his cock in Itachi's hole."

Sasuke's mouth dropped open.

"Are you kidding me?" he asked, not knowing if he was disgusted or turned on. Not that he realized that's what he was feeling. He was still uncomfortable, and shifted again. Naruto's eyes trailed downward, locking on the unusual bulge in Sasuke's nylon shorts.

"See," he whispered. "When a guy's cock gets all hard—" here he hesitantly reached his hand out and stroked Sasuke's arousal through his shorts. "—like this, he can put it into a girl's hole, or a guys hole and it's supposed to feel really good. But you know what? I think I want to be with a man. I don't like girls like that."

Sasuke's mouth went dry and his hips thrust forward into Naruto's hand. The blonde's eyes darkened with something Sasuke's innocence couldn't name.

"Maybe we should—"

"UCHIHA SASUKE, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

Sasuke looked up in horror at his father, standing the doorway, a vein pulsing in his forehead, and Sasuke's face went past red.

"But Dad," he tried weakly. "Kisame and aniki were doing it, and—"

"ITACHI AND KISAME WERE DOING _WHAT_?"

The situation following was—at least to Kisame—uproariously funny. The large man had deemed it necessary at that point to shove his beautiful lover out into the hallway for his younger brother, his younger brother's best friend and his father to see (as Fugaku was dragging both his son and his son's blonde friend downstairs by the ears), with nothing but an unbuttoned black shirt on and a lot of white liquid on his chest and dripping down his thigh. The teenager blinked once before his head snapped down, crimson uncharacteristically flooding his face.

"I didn't know you were home," he managed before his voice cracked. Itachi was intimidated by nothing, and certainly wasn't afraid of Fugaku when he could kick his father's ass from Konoha to Suna, but he was beyond embarrassed. "I, ah, know this looks bad, but—"

"You were having sex with Kisame," Fugaku finished flatly.

"I told you he wasn't straight!" Mikoto sang from the bottom of the stairs, then came up just enough to see her husband's eyes bulge. "Honey, calm down. Itachi's a big boy. Sasuke, however…" The shorter Uchiha flinched. "We're gonna have to talk about this, sweetheart. You're only eight, after all."

"Yes, Mom," he replied glumly, defeated. "But I didn't put my cock in Naruto!" Even Naruto blushed hearing that.

Fugaku spluttered and Itachi elbowed the door, knowing that the man laughing in hysterics on the other side of it would get the message.

Even Mikoto chuckled a bit. "Well, that's good. But I still think we're gonna have to have a family chat."

"Well, shit," Sasuke sighed, using a word he'd heard from Shikamaru at school. Fugaku practically popped a blood vessel.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY?"

Perhaps his son's innocence did not last as long as Fugaku seemed to think… especially considering Itachi's kindly informing him that he and Kisame had been, delicately phrased, intimate since he was eleven.

Fugaku's eye twitched, and turned around, releasing his son and Naruto before heading for his bedroom.

"I'm going to bed."

Mikoto's laugher could still be heard even from behind the slammed door of their room. Needless to say, Fugaku didn't attend dinner than night.

**a/n: So, while reading Naruto volume 38… wow. I gotta say I'm taken aback. Naked Suigetsu, then sexy jutsu, yaoi style? I mean, has Kishimoto-sensei caved to the fangirls? Not that I'm complaining. I just find it kind of amusing that his inner yaoi fanboy is coming out. Little shocked, but amused. I mean… wow. I had to take a minute to **_**breath**_**, because I wasn't doing it.**

**Kandakicksass is OUT, ya'll!**


End file.
